Self Defense is not Fighting

Let’s take some time and discuss the differences between self-defense and fighting. Though these two things have similarities they are also different in many ways, the main way they differ are by the goals each one wishes to accomplish. The main goal of self-defense is self-preservation while the main goal of fighting is to destroy the person in front of you. 

As stated before, the focus of self-defense is on you. The emphasis is on ensuring your own safety as much as possible. Whenever you are in a self-defense situation your goal should be to do whatever you can to get out of that situation. Yes, this could mean causing harm to the person attacking you so that they are no longer able to hurt you. However, self-defense is more than just causing harm to your attacker. There are other ways to ensure your safety. Some of those include reasonable compliance, effective environmental usage, and de-escalation. Let’s take a quick look at these in hopes we gain a better understanding of the overarching idea of what is self-defense. 

By reasonable compliance, I mean complying to the demands of an attacker within reason; the demands will not cause you physical harm if you comply.  Such as an attacker asking for your wallet or your phone, these things can be replaced; however, a failed attempt to try to save those things can cause you your life, which is not replaceable. It does not mean to comply in situations where bodily harm is sure to take place, or the consequences of complying has a great chance of leading to unknown results. For example, the consequences of complying to someone that has asked to take your wallet usually boils down to 1 of 2 things. One, the attacker takes your wallet and leaves you alone. Two, the attacker takes your wallet, and you end up having to defend yourself anyways. In this situation the possible results of complying are known, either the aggressor leaves you alone or the aggressor attacks you anyways.  However, in other situations the results of complying are not as predictable. In situations where there are too many unknowns, such as an aggressor trying to force you into a vehicle, it is best to not comply at all. Because there are too many unknowns in this situation, the chances of you being able to adequately defend yourself after complying greatly decreases. Going back to the vehicle example, someone else may be in the car waiting to cause you harm, the aggressor may take you to an unknown location and cause you harm there, or the aggressor may be planning to do something to you that you can’t even imagine. Complying in this situation puts you at a greater disadvantage then if you just attempt to begin to defend yourself from the beginning. Your best bet in this situation is to defend yourself the best way you can without giving into the aggressor. 

By effective environmental usage, I mean using the environment to help you in situations in which you may have to defend yourself. Example, if you notice you are being followed at night you may want to check for nearby stores you can enter and ask for help. If there are no nearby stores around, you may consider changing the route you are taking to try to stay only in well-lit areas or try to take a route you know has more people along it. You may want to change your route even if this makes travelling to your destination longer. If you are in a situation in which you are physically defending yourself, you may want to see if there is anything nearby that can help you. You may be able to find things such as rocks or sticks that can be used to strike the person that is attacking you. The idea is to use as many of the resources your environment has to offer to help you protect yourself. 

By de-escalation, I am referring to the ability to prevent a situation from expanding to the point in which you may have to physically defend yourself. Let’s look at an example: suppose you accidentally bumped into someone and they got angry and started yelling and threatening you. There are two things that you can usually do, one, yell back or two, apologize. The former usually increases conflict in the situation, while the latter usually helps lower the conflict and help calm the other person. By attempting to de-escalate the situation by apologizing, you are potentially avoiding a situation which can be physical, which consequently means you are avoiding a situation that can cause you physical harm. Not having to defend yourself physically is the best form of self-defense. 

Notice how in each example, the focus is on you. The focus is on what you do to prevent harm from yourself. In fighting the focus shifts, the focus goes from what you can do to reduce harm to yourself to what you can do to harm the person in front of you. When fighting you are entirely focused on your opponent, you are attempting to hurt your opponent in such a way that not only prevents them from no longer harming you, but also unnecessarily maximizes the amount of damage they take; your main goal is to ensure your opponent is hurt and not that you are safe. In fighting everything is about your opponent and less about you. Even when the situation has gotten under control you may attempt to continue to cause harm to the person you are attacking. You are not focused on trying to get away to a safer environment but are focused on doing as much damage as you can possibly do to the other person.

When the main goal is to fight, the responses to situations change. When given an opportunity to avoid conflict, the conflict is embraced. De-escalation is not even considered an option for the person seeking to fight. All conflict is embraced with the hopes that you can hurt the person in front of you. You try to become the aggressor to your aggressor. Instead of attempting to leave the situation, you welcome it with little to no regard to your own safety.  

When it comes to your safety, focusing on self-defense helps reduce any physical harm you may face. However, when it comes to fighting the chance of experiencing physical harm increases. Self-defense is about preservation, and fighting is about destruction. Self-defense is about yourself, while fighting is about the other person.