I would ask myself, “Is what I do ‘Real’? Am I qualified to have the rank that I do have?”
No matter where you go to read martial arts related topics, whether it be on forums, books or other blogs/vlogs about martial arts, you are sure to see one common theme, the importance of keeping your ego in check! In many instances this is brought up as avoiding arrogance, staying humble, and being open. In a nutshell this ego problem of putting yourself and your needs as the only things that matters is known as narcissism.
Many martial artists, yourself included, may wonder or question, “Am I a narcissist?”. Well, I have good news for you. The mere fact that you are asking yourself that question, I can say with a high level of certainty that you are not a narcissist, but that doesn’t mean that you don’t have an ego problem! By asking yourself this question, you reveal that you do in fact care what other people think about you, and it may be possible that you care too much. This opposite side of the spectrum ego problem, simply known as neediness is emphasized to a lesser degree but still causes a vicious cycle of insecurity and resentment. This vicious cycle can easily ruin your career as a martial artist or even your work during the day!
Imposter Syndrome, the disease that plagues most competent people regardless of line of work, is where people who are generally competent in what they do, doubt themselves, question if they are “good enough”, and are worried about being exposed as a fraud even though they are not. This is something that I have experienced myself, and I can attest that it was very toxic. I was feeding myself poison! Luckily there are certain things you can do to help cure imposter syndrome and improve your outlook.
- Understand Your Scope
This is different depending on who you are, what you do, and what you want. You need to ask yourself, “What matters to me?” When I was younger, I was incredibly trembled by the idea of being exposed as an illegitimate martial artist. I would ask myself, “Is what I do ‘Real’? Am I qualified to have the rank that I do have?” Certainly, modern age social media didn’t help. It is so easy to hide behind a computer screen and comment on things without making yourself vulnerable.
What helped me get beyond this is by understanding the scope of what I do. As a Practitioner of Tang Soo Do, often described as Korean Karate, my job is not to get in the Octagon and defeat a mixed martial arts fighter. My job is to perfect my forms, self defense techniques and light contact sparring. All of these, I can say I am at the very least ok and competent at! My job is to just be competent at Karate, nothing more. I recommend that you go and analyze how you are judging yourself and what metrics you are using. What is your Scope? Are you ok with what that Scope is? If you are not happy with what your scope is, then it is up for you to change that scope by making a change in the art you train or how you train. On the other hand, if you are ok with your scope, chances are, you aren’t being fair to yourself!
- Work on Your Self – [Insert Word Here]
The title is not a typo! Many times, we need to work on our Self-Confidence, our Self-Esteem, or our Self-Compassion. For many of us, we are good at one or two of the above mentioned attributes, but we may need to pay special attention to one of these areas. Which of these areas depends on you. I highly recommend that you read The Charisma Myth by Olivia Fox Cabane if you haven’t already. She defines the above as the following.
“Self-Confidence is our belief in our ability to do or to learn how to do something Self-Esteem is how much we approve of or value ourselves. It’s often a comparison-based evaluation (whether measured against other people or against our own internal standard for approval Self-Compassion is how much warmth we can have for ourselves, especially when we’re going through a difficult experience.”
(Cabane 84)
It may be different for each person, but I think a lot of martial artists struggle with the latter, Self-Compassion. In an activity that is highly individualistic, we must remember to be kind to ourselves, understand that we are entitled to a bad day, or even a bad week here and there.
The whole point Cabane is trying to tell us is that these are the three high level areas we need to be the best versions of ourselves, and in order for us to realize that, we need to have fair and unbiased judgements of ourselves.
Now you can look at everything I just said and say, “Wait David, is this only applicable to martial arts?” The answer is a big resounding No! After all, Martial arts is all about self improvement and that self improvement does not end when you leave your mental training space. So in closing, Do you have an ego problem? Are you fair to yourself? What do you want out of martial arts? And really, what do you want out of life?
REFERENCES
Cabane, Olivia Fox. The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism. Portfolio/Penguin, 2013.
