For a while, I would be slightly offended if people didn’t make the effort to remember things I had already told them. Or if a friend wouldn’t check up on me after an injury, or ask about the outcome of a particular stressful event I was nervous for. I’d be disappointed because this is something I’d try to do often; if a friend had a job interview, I’d follow up and ask how they felt about it. If they were stressed about a competition or review coming up, I’d ask how they did or wish them luck prior.
Most people know what it’s like to not have people care about you, and it’s a lonely feeling. As a shy kid growing up I didn’t make friends too easily, so for a while it felt like no one liked or cared about me. For this reason, I’d try my best to make each person feel like I supported them, I was there for them, and that I was thinking about them. I didn’t understand why certain people, especially those close to me, wouldn’t do the same.
After a while, I realized not everyone thinks the same as me, or shows their love in the same ways. I now very much acknowledge I’m a people pleaser and pretty sensitive, so the way I handle friendships is different. For example, I know I have certain friends who will listen to every detail of a story I tell, as I would, and some who just don’t have the attention span for that. I simply just make the story shorter for them. Neither of these friends are better than the other; I still get to tell my story to both of them! It’s not the latter friend’s fault, they just have a fast-paced brain that shifts their focus constantly as they battle ADHD. I know both sets of friends care about me, and when I hang out with either of them I always have fun.
I realized I shouldn’t expect myself out of people, otherwise I would only face constant disappointment and never get along with anyone. Each person is different; the way they think, interact with people, and show their affection. The key is to just acknowledge this for your own knowledge, and overcome your comparative expectations of them. All love languages are valid, and you can’t control others so there’s no point in getting upset about how they show their love for you; in the end, it’s all still love.
