Sonder: a word that is found in John Koenig’s The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows, a dictionary of made-up words for emotions that we feel but can’t quite explain, has a profound connection to the martial arts. Sonder is defined as “The profound feeling of realizing that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complete as your own”. Many times, we can get caught up in our own journey in the martial arts and can forget to empathize that others around us have their own stories and their own struggles as well.
Many times, when I am judging students that I do not know at a test or at a tournament, I often visualize each person’s martial arts journey and wonder why they started training, what the different struggles they have experienced are, and what it was like for them to prepare for the tournament or the test they are taking. Almost always, we will never get the answers to these questions unless we ask people, but when we do take the effort to learn the struggles that our colleagues are going through, our training experience can reach a higher level. Even if we do not know what others are going through, understanding that anyone around us could be going through a unique challenge gives us a greater sense of respect for training and for those that we train with.
At the end of the day, we must come to the realization that no matter our level or rank in the martial arts, we are all human and we all go through challenges. If someone does not look like they are giving their best on a given day, ask if they are doing ok before rushing to judgment. As an instructor, your students will certainly appreciate this. Sharing our struggles with others or showing that we are open to listening will create a good sense of trust: something that is crucial for good and safe martial arts training.
