Just like the ups and downs of life, there will always be a balance in how people treat you. The reality is, you could be the nicest person in the world and there will still be someone out there who doesn’t like you. Therefore it’s important to not live your life trying to please others, as you’ll always find disappointment. With this mentality you can let a lot of things roll off your shoulders, but sometimes you’re faced with someone who is specifically being rude, hateful, or discouraging to you and it starts to get under your skin. Unfortunately this is not a unique situation; everyone at some point will be faced with adversity whether it be from a stranger, colleague, someone you thought was a friend, or even a family member. In my opinion, you can react in one of 3 ways to people who are against you: ignore, confront, or challenge.
You can ignore them which is ideal, perhaps also the safest depending on the situation. Again, if you practice having the mentality of not trying to please others, your tolerance for ignoring hate from people will grow. However, sometimes it’s a lot easier said than done; it’s difficult to ignore when you personally know the individual who has impacted you negatively, or whatever was said struck a nerve with you.
Confronting them is another option. Communication is key to clearing up any misunderstandings, although this doesn’t mean you have to match the level of anger or pettiness that the other person is showing. Fighting fire with fire doesn’t work often, especially if it’s in a professional situation like work or business. If you can’t control your anger, then it’s not the right time to confront as the situation will keep escalating. Try to clear the air with a level head and find out what was said and why, and don’t be shy to say how much it bothered you. People need to be held accountable for their own actions and know how much of an impact their words have on others.
Unfortunately, sometimes confronting either doesn’t work or isn’t safe. As someone who is part of multiple minority groups, we are faced with hate in a very different way. Slurs, racism, homophobia, sexism, ableism, etc. are arguably the most frustrating and offensive things that can be said as they have nothing to do with your character or personality, just things you cannot control. This type of hate speech is dangerous because people despise the idea of you, not seeing you as an individual, so it can turn violent quickly. Even when it’s not a stranger and it’s in a friendly or working environment, there’s plenty of offhand comments and/or discrimination showed towards minorities. If confronted, it’s common that they’ll either dismiss it and think you’re overreacting, or just flat out deny it. To me, this is where the last reaction comes into play: challenge. I say challenge because you can take all of that negativity that was being thrown at you, and transform it into fuel to motivate yourself. Challenge what they said about you and be better than them; work harder, be kinder, find happiness, succeed in your career, follow your dreams. The best revenge is to succeed in life and prove them wrong.
Keep in mind, this is all just my perspective and what has worked for me in the past. Try this out next time you’re faced with adversity, let us know in the comments if it helps!
