In June of 2009, I was set to test for my Cho Dan Bo Blue Belt (Black Belt Candidate Rank) in Tang Soo Do. I was very excited to take this test, but during the test itself, something didn’t feel quite right. About half way through the test, I started to have difficulties breathing and was very short of breath to the point where I could not complete a form. I could not continue and finish the rest of the test, and I went to the urgent care where I was diagnosed with exercise induced asthma. I am no longer affected by asthma, but it was a challenge I dealt with in my early teenage years. Since I did not complete the test, I had to wait another three months to test for that rank again as my Instructors do not have make-up tests. Three months is not a long time, but good luck telling that to an eleven year old! What affected me more so was not the fact that I did not simply fail the test. What affected me was the fact that I did not complete the test and I then had three months to ponder what had happened and how to move forward. In the present tense, however, I am grateful for this experience as it provided me with three important takeaways that pushed me forward in my martial arts training.
When We Fail, We are Faced With a Choice
When I went to the urgent care after leaving the test, I remember the doctor saying, “Perhaps now is the time to stop training in martial arts if it affects you this way”. Hearing this shocked me. I was faced with a decision. I could stop training at this point of failure, or accept what had happened, learn how to deal with asthma and push forward past the adversity. I made the decision to push forward past the adversity. There is an overused parable that martial arts instructors use when discussing failure that involves cupcakes of all things. When baking cupcakes, if we take them out of the oven and they are still gooey, do we throw them away? No, we do not throw them away. We simply put them back in the oven to finish baking. The lesson here is that failure should not be an end point. It should instead be a point where we look where we currently stand and make the adjustments necessary for us to be successful. Can it be frustrating when we fail or when our cupcakes aren’t done cooking? It definitely can be a frustrating thing, but making the difficult decision to persevere will reward you in the future. What will you do? Will you quit in the face of failure, or will you rise to the occasion?
In the Grand Scheme of Things, a Failed Test Will Not matter
When I did not pass this test, I felt that it would delay my martial arts journey. When looking through the magnifying glass it delayed me in testing for my blue belt by three months and delayed me in testing for my black belt by six months. At the time, this felt like a big deal, but when taking a wider look at my martial arts journey, this failed test was completely inconsequential! If I tested for my first degree black belt six months earlier than I did, I still would have been held back later five years in the future as I would not have been old enough to test for my 3rd Dan, and logistically I was promoted to 4th Dan at the youngest possible age this past year. Another difficult thing for me from failing this test, especially at eleven years old, was watching three others that I had trained with for this test move ahead of me in the ranks. In the grand scheme of things though, these three individuals do not even train anymore while I am a fourth dan and run my own studio. Many times our perception of how failure will affect us is overinflated and we act like failure is the end of the world. In reality, failure will only affect us in a minor way, if at all, when we look at the big picture of our journey! Failure will only define us if we let it.
Nothing is Automatic – Respect Each Trial That You Face
I am eternally grateful for failing this test, as I believe that I would not be at the level I am at today without it. While I did not take testing completely for granted before failing this test, failing the test gave me much more respect for the testing process. Since I experienced first hand that nothing is automatic, I prepared much more intently for every test that I took after that. When we are pursuing something, we can get complacent and take things for granted. When we realize that failing is a realistic possibility, we can be motivated to put forth more effort in our training and preparation. When preparing to test for 3rd Dan in 2015, I remember talking with a colleague, Mr. Saul Easley. He had asked how I felt preparing for the test. When I said that I was slightly nervous he said that being a little nervous is good and healthy. It means that you respect the rank that you are trying to reach! Nothing is automatic. When we approach our trials with respect, we will be more prepared and more likely to succeed.
While we might feel a sense of shame from failing. This sense of shame is only a temporary one: much shorter than the sense of shame we feel when we quit or give up! Failure is inevitable in the process of pursuing anything meaningful. Failure does not define you, what defines you is how you react to failure. How will you react in the face of adversity?
