I remember one Saturday afternoon after finishing class in the city, my students and I had planned to go share a meal together in Chicago’s Chinatown. In the past, going to eat dinner in Chinatown was a relatively easy thing. We would go to one of our favorite restaurants and simply ask for a table for 6. Before this trip to Chinatown, however, my student base had grown a lot to the point where now we would be asking for a table of close to twenty at this point.
Going into the restaurant, I was trying to figure out how we would get this gathering to work. Would I have to ask for 4 different parties and split the group up? I vocalized these concerns to my friend and fellow writer on this blog, Anthony. He said, “No, go and ask for a table for twenty first. If they say no, then we can discuss different solutions with the host to make sure everyone can get a chance to eat.” Sure enough, we were able to get a table for twenty people (This provided a very cool photo opportunity by the way). We may not have gotten this table for twenty if I did not follow Anthony’s advice, and instead mentioned different possibilities of multiple tables to accommodate our very large group of guests.
Many times in pursuit of something that we want, we can become an enemy to ourselves, and defeat ourselves before anyone else can. In the chapter “Never Negotiate Against Yourself” in the book, Creativity, Spirituality and Earning a Buck, David Nichtern states, “Sometimes our habit of defeating ourselves before the battle has even begun may feel as if it comes from a fear of failure, but it may come from a fear of success. CTR (Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche) called this poverty mentality. Instead of coming from a place of inherent richness and courage, we lead with a feeling that failure is inevitable. And then, of course, our projection becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy (Nichtern 77).”
I initially went into the restaurant with a poverty mentality rather than an abundance mentality. While for me, this applied to getting a table at a restaurant, this can apply to many of us reading this article in our martial arts or professional lives. Have you ever stopped yourself from applying for a job because you did not feel worthy? Have you ever skipped out on a belt test because you were nervous about failing? Just like it was important to allow the host to say that they cannot accommodate a party of twenty, not me, It is important to allow the testing panel to fail you, or the interviewer to say that you did not get the job. We must get out of our own way when trying to reach our achievements.
I once applied for a job that required two years experience when I only had one year and ten months of experience at the time of the interview. I ended up getting the job offer! I could have easily decided that since I did not have the exact amount of experience, that I should not apply. When making decisions we need to make sure that we are not allowing fear to defeat us. As Mr. Miyagi says at the end of The Karate Kid: Part 3, “It’s ok to lose to opponent. Must not lose to fear. Never let fear win. Take the step.” Go and chase your goals with no regrets. It’s ok to fail, just don’t defeat yourself.
Bibliography:
Nichtern, David. Creativity, Spirituality & Making a Buck. Wisdom Publications, 2019.
