It can be easy for those that are immersed in martial arts or any other niche hobby or lifestyle to fall into the trap of thinking that they need to date someone that follows that same lifestyle or does the same activity. After all, how can our significant others really understand us if they don’t do the same things that we do?
While there are a lot of martial arts couples, you may not feel comfortable pursuing a relationship with someone in your dojo/dojang or connected martial arts organization. It can be very similar to dating a coworker; things can become very awkward in the event of a breakup and lead one or both parties to stop training due to the breakup. At the root of it, I hate seeing people fall in love with the martial arts and then stop due to an interpersonal issue. I understand why someone might not feel comfortable continuing, but it is still a very unfortunate outcome considering all of the diverse benefits of martial arts training. At the end of the day dating another martial artist is very likely not worth it.
In dating, it is very important to not become codependent with your significant other, but rather interdependent. Neediness is never a good thing and you should never feel like you need to be in a relationship. If you decide that you are in a healthy state of mind and want to give dating a try, here are some tips for you and what to look for in a person especially as a martial artist. It’s important to ignore surface level things like what their favorite TV show is, what their favorite type of food is or if they have the same hobby as you and look for the deeper things. Beyond the normal things to determine compatibility such as where you both want to be in the next 5, 10, or even more years, if you want kids, how many kids you want, and religious beliefs if that’s important to you, here are a couple of other things that you should look for.
Are they health conscious?
As a martial artist you are an active person, and in all likelihood, you try to be healthy. If you take your training seriously you probably stay away from doing drugs and drinking an unhealthy amount on a regular basis. You try to eat healthy for the most part, not having junk food too often. Are they active and healthy in the same way?
Do they have something they are passionate about?
It doesn’t need to be martial arts, but they need to have something in their avocational life that they do for fun that they can talk about. If they have the same drive towards their after work or after school activities as you do towards martial arts, things will work out. You will push each other and support each other even if you don’t completely understand what it is that they do!
The first couple things I mentioned can be learned on the first couple of dates, the next couple of things you will learn as you get to know the person
Do they let you be you?
A major red flag is when someone that utters the sentence, “You do too much karate.” If someone tries to control you and make you do less of something that you love, you would become less happy and become resentful. Sure there is a balance here. If you are training to the point where there is NO quality time with your significant other, then maybe you really don’t have a balance, but if you like the other person, you will want to create this balance yourself. It will not be an ultimatum!
Do they Support You? Are they your cheerleader?
Many times people don’t know a lot about the martial arts, but if someone really cares about you, they will take the effort to learn a little bit about it. They will know what a form is, and they will know how testing kind of works. Even if they don’t completely understand the test or tournament that you are preparing for, they will support you through it and be your biggest cheerleader. Totally hypothetical here, but they might even surprise you and give you a goodie bag in your favorite color with your favorite snacks and give you a hand written card hyping you up before your big test. This is a green flag!
While it’s important to look for these things in someone else, it is also important to do all of the bottom two things for the other person. Let’s say hypothetically, if they are really passionate about dancing, make sure you support them through that and give them the space to do as much dancing as they want. Go to their dance concerts and give them support. Learn a little bit about dance from them so you can understand them better. At the end of the day relationships of any kind and especially romantic relationships are two way street. Effort is required on both sides. Make sure you do your part too!
