My mom used to tell us as we were growing up, “never say anything that you wouldn’t want on the front page of tomorrow’s newspaper”. Obviously this is a bit of an exaggeration, and also now outdated as many people don’t read the newspaper anymore! But the meaning behind it still stands: mean what you say.
The truth is, everyone talks about each other. Whether it be good or bad, behind their back or to their face, it’s just a simple fact of life. We are social creatures after all! However, gossip is unhealthy. It adds negativity in your relationships, both to the person you’re speaking about and the person you’re directly talking to. In addition, you never know who is going to hear what you’re saying, who is going to pass it on, or who will spin it in a different way than what you originally meant.
When speaking about others, it’s best to just stick to facts. If you have an opinion about someone or something they do, you can respectfully say it, but don’t cross the line of tearing someone down. That doesn’t help anybody, and ultimately makes you seem like a mean-spirited person. For example, let’s say there’s someone who keeps letting you down when you ask them to cover class. Instead of saying this person is irresponsible and untrustworthy, just simply say you can’t count on them for covering class. This way even if that person finds out you said that, or someone tries to twist your words, you know that you only spoke about the truth.
A good rule of thumb I’ve adopted is don’t say anything about someone that you wouldn’t say to their face. Gossip is toxic, but sometimes there are things you have to get off your chest, and you can do it in a way where you’re not attacking the person, rather explaining their actions and the impact they’ve had on you. Mean what you say, because words matter!
